This is a thing i have been thinking of doing for this half-year, but in short: i am leaving the internet, completely. Fully logging off. 

There are two primary reasons for me doing this: 

the first reason and the thing that made me consider doing this is that i am moving out of my childhood home for an art school. I want to just remove all focus from my online Identity with this so i can focus on my art, personal life and mental Health. This is a big change in my life so i wanna prioritize that instead on being online.

The second reason is that i have been struggling alot with my mental health. I wont name any specific conditions, but i have been struggling with a lot of intrusive thoughts and paranoia this year. And since i don't reely have an outlet to be fully open up about this, i have deteriorated alot mentally this year, especially in spring and summer.

I am a mental wreck with alot of self-hate and regret. I have done stuff i regret strongly and i have been in situations that messed me up. I no longer want to use the "Nebulate" alias anymore. I have said on discord that i plan on being gone for a year, but i wanna be honest: i wouldn't mind being gone for 2, 3, 5 or heck even 10. I am just not particularly happy with my life and i kinda just want to leave the internet and move on from that time.

It has been a good 2 and a half years i have been here, but i am signing off.

Have you ever had this emotion when you see someone's OC you reely like and you just wish you made that character? Like you feel like your characters just arrent good compared to them?

Well there was a time i felt this emotion alot, especialy in my earlier years on the web. I beleave it was most prominant for me when the golden era of FNF was in full swing. I loved all of the characters there alot, but i just had this envy where i felt like i coudnt produce characters with as good of designes as OCs from FNF mods. I also felt it alot when i first joined NG. I saw so many cool OCs and i wished alot that i was the one who created them. Many of my OCsi created back them had frankly very little thought put into them, plus my art back then was just bad. I feel this might have been the major source of that low self-esteem i once had.

But eventualy when i got better at art and i did genuinely place more thought into my designs wich reely helped me getting my self esteem in regards to character design skills. And people also started to like my OCs alot, asking questions about their lore, making fanart, me just talking about my inspirations behind the designs, and etc. I dont feel this envy anymore compared to what i used to feel. One coud say it is good that its gone, but imma be honest: i think that envy has motivated me to put more effort and thought into my OCs rather than being a defeatist who just wallow in self-pity.

I am genuinely very happy with my character designs now. Of cource some of my designs are leauges better and more developed than some other OCs, but there is a thing called redesigning and that honestly is a nice source of me to expand my ideas for my characters.

Is there a message behind this blogpost? Not reely, but i just reely wanted to explain an emotion i frankly havent felt in a while. And if you have ever felt this emotion: use it as a way to motivate you to put more inspiration in your design rather than just giving up, thinking your skills are trash.

AWSOME BEE WITH A GUN

HE IS NEVER FUKCING AROUND

FEAR HIM

I am user of the day today aperantly. Idk what i get out of it aside for hanging out in a corner in the community tab. Eh, still cool stuff i guess.

Doodle cuz why not.

Due to reasons i wont elaborate on. I am doing another top 10 games i have played. But unlike in the first list there are two games i havent beat yet, but i am at the endgame so i dont care.

I wanted to try to challange myself with trying genres i am not that fammiliar with this time. If one always plays the same stuff, you will get very tired and burned out from the genres. It is funny that i have compleataly stopped from using my switch to go all in for my Steam acount. Also Steam sales are insane. I always buy alot of games during those.

STEAM SALES FTW!!!!!!!

#10: SteamWorld Dig

I am at the last boss i right now (i think, i am playing spoiler free). It was free for a while on steam and i chose to add it to my library, seeing it as just another fun thing to just have. I tried it, and i enjoyed it. Its not the best game ever, but i did have a reely good time with it. Digging through the world is fun. I have always liked the idea of a 2d platformer where you go downwards rather than upwards. This is what Shovel Knight Dig shoud have been.

#9: Dreams of Aether

An april fools joke game set in the RoA universe. I love Warioware type games. definitively one of the most fun game genres out there that hassnt reached its full potential. While this is a shitpost rather than a fully fledged game, i enjoy it alot. It is worth the money, and i love Añi's inclution due to her being a fan OC added as a main character in an official game.

#8: Psychonauts

Not finished it yet. I am on Black Velvetopia now. The game was dirt cheep on steam since it was on sale for 8 NOK. I like how it interprits the mental state of all the characters. From Boid's unhinged and paranoid hellhole, to Fred fighting his inner Napoleon on a board game. It is facianting with the variation. My biggest issue with the game is that it hassnt aged the best and it has stiff controlls and some parts of the game was not the best, but othervise i am enjoying it alot.

#7: Portal 2

Portal 2 is a big fucking improovement from the first portal. I found the first to be very rough. Portal 2 fixed all of the issues i had with Portal 1. The comedic writing is godlike. Every line Weatly says is just raw gold. The puzzles are fun too. I did get stuck on some (and totaly diddnt use a guide), but they are very fun. I have played a bit of the co-op mode. havent finished it yet, but that is a blast as well.

#6: UFO 50

I grew up with the NES and SNES Classic Edition. Those two mini consoles were a big part of my childhood. UFO 50 captures that magic those had. It is genuinely impressive how packed this game collection is and all the variation and originality it has. I havent beat all of the games (i am not insane), but i have beaten a few. Warptank, Pingolf and Mooncat being my favourites out of the list.

#5: Ultrakill

Humaity is dead, blood on earth is gone, and that happens to be your fuel. That is the most metal consept for a game. It is fucking unhinged. The gameplay is buttery smooth and the difficulty is fair. V1 just decimating everything it sees is just rad. I love how it interpretes all the rings of Hell that was explained in the Divine Comedy. very creative. I am exited to play the upcomming Fraud ring. That one looks fun as hell.

#4: Rhythm Doctor

1 button. This is the most simple of a controll sceeme you can have on a rhythm game. It is always satysfying to hit the 7th beat and the game is genuinely challanging. The music and charts in the main game is fun, but the custom charts... ooo i love those. It is impressive how mutch variation there is. I love just downloading random charts and play them. They have actualy introduced me to new music i do listen to in my personal life.

#3: Bioshock

Not a game i thought i woud buy, but damn it was worth it. This game has one of the best stories i have ever played. Andrew Ryan is genuinely one of the most interesting characters in any media i have interacted with. Hearling how Rapture became the hell it is now is creepy, yet fasinating. Rapture is also just an artistic masterpeice of a world and it is fun to see all the tiny details it has. And it is so creepy. I know it issnt that mutch of a horror game, but it is genuinely unsetterling all the time and it is amazing at making you feel imersed in the world.

#2: Deltarune Chapter 3+4

Not counting chapter 1 and 2 since i have played those before. I am exclusibly talking about c3+4 here.

The 4 hellish years of waiting is done and jesus Toby and his crew made a masterpeice. I love Tenna and his characterization. He is just a goofy guy i just cant hate at all. The TV-World, while not as large in explorable areas compared to all the other chapters, it has just some reely fun interactions with the characters, and i think that is all it needs. Chapter 4 is just a beautyful chapter. The setting of the sanctuary is genuienly one of the most pretty places to be in any games with its more abstract church look, and the music compliments it alot. I am hype for the remaining chapters.

#1: Not For Broadcast

This may be recancy bias since i recantly bought and beat it, but jesus i never expected this to be my favourite game so far this year. The writing is probobly one of the best ones in any game and you feel the impact of the choises you do wether you let Jeremy die, or let Distrupt become more powerfull. The comedy is also spot on. It has the good, dry humor that i love so mutch. Along side that, it has some amazing preformance by the varius actors that play the well written characters. Amazing game. Go play it if your PC can handle 50+ Gigabytes.

It is lists like this that makes me remeber why i made Pip. She was conseptulized as a girl that just loved indie games. Nothing more, nothing less. I sometimes wish i coud go back to that with her, but i am happy with the angle i am going with her now. It is just the simple joy of gameing i miss, y'know?

It is the 7th of July and that means that its my birthday. I am officialy 20 years old. Idk what to say lol. I know i can drink alcohol over 20% but that is it lol. Soooo.... yeah, im old lol.

Obligatory bday doodle.

Yes indeed i am doing artfight once again for the third year. I draw OCs i find cool and etc etc.

Here is a link to my artfight profile. Go draw my OCs when it starts lol.

I was lazy when making a card this year so i cobbled up this mess lol

Today is the day we celebrate my home country of Norway's constetution day. Basicaly we gave Denmark the middle finger for not being fair with Norway when they were in an union lol.

I was too lazy to make a full on drawing this year so have a sketch of Pip in a bunad, waving the norwegian flag proudly, and me in a russ outfit, carrying a bottle of alcohol. Also yeah i was russ (too lazy to explain what that is for the non-norwegians) this year. It was nice.

So my, @aapiarts and @Creeperforce24's game Twigi's Twisted Costumes got a itch.io build.

The main reason it took time to be made was cuz it wassnt a priority at all. So for the few that wanted a desktop build... here. Go Download it or smth.